Holidays are hard still for me

Holidays are suppose to be filled with laughter, fun, and most importantly your family. Holidays aren't the same for me since loosing my first born son tragically in a fire 7yrs ago. I have to put on a smile no matter how i feel on the inside because i have two more boys and they didn't know their older brother..he died before they were born. But i on the other hand knew him and loved him and my heart aches so badly inside without him here with me. Feels like no matter how hard i try to make the best of the holidays for the sake of my other two children, on the inside im broken. A big piece of my heart is gone and can never be replaced,holidays aren't the same, life  ain't the same. I should have 3 beautiful boys here with me..but only have two of them. You would think it would get easier after 7yrs..it doesn't. You NEVER get over loosing your child. You aren't suppose to bury your children, they are suppose to bury you. Making matters worse this Christmas, seeing all those beautiful children at #SandyHook school die. I cried for them parents..not only for the innocent lives taken to soon but because i too know what it feels like to loose a child in a unexpected tragic way. My heart aches for them. I pray for them. I cried like it was my son that died in that school. I guess it took me back to when my son died tragically. My son died in a different way but doesn't matter the way the child dies, i can relate to the pain and heartbreak from loosing a child period. I don't believe you ever get over it. I know i haven't. I still feel like something is missing from my life. A big piece of my heart is gone. They say time will heal the wounds of  a broken heart..maybe with love that may be true but not when your heart is broken from loosing a child. :(